areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
