apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
