god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
