Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
