Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this boner is exhausting
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
