One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize