here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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