her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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