community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
