I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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