So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
