and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
