and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
