I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
