sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
