I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
