i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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