Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
