Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
