oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
