Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
