hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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