she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
