I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
