i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
