I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
