i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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