I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
