sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Still dying that you shit outside
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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