You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
