You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
