And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
