So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
