Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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