Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
