For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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