You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
