My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was like eating out sand paper
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
