i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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