It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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