11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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