Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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