i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
