I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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