i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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