youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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