Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
