everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
