I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
