I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
