I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
