I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
