what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hippo gnu deer
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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