Don't make out with my wife yet
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
