sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize