this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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