My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
