What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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