I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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