Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
