Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
