he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
