guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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