you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
