my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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