I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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