in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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