Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
