We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
