i think my tv is drunk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
