so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
