I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I looked at my own cervix.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
