I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
