Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
