for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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