When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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